Fish and Christmas

December2024

Cambridge - Joe Smith, CEO, VIP, VP, MD, Ph.D., reports fiasco at Fraser Fish Farms, Inc. Our reporter, good ol' Guy McDickerson, got the scoop: The first thing that Joe Smith, CEO, VIP, VP, MD, Ph.D., said was, "I am the founder, president, CEO, VIP, VP, supervisor, secretary, and janitor of Fraser Fish Farms, Inc. I also am an MD and have a Ph.D." Mr. Smith, CEO, VIP, VP, MD, Ph.D.'s business grows fish. In fact, the company's slogan is "We Grow Fish." They are a big business, bringing in about $100 a year, and have two twenty gallon aquariums. But this article isn't about fish; it's about Christmas lights. No, not inflatable Christmas fish...Christmas lights. Yes, you heard me right, Christmas lights. Yes, I said "Christmas lights." Now that we know that this article is about Christmas lights, let's hear what Joe Smith, CEO, VIP, VP, MD, Ph.D., has to say: "Every year we put up a huge display of lights. We have a life-sized nativity, a red-nosed reindeer, several lights, some more lights, and then we also have some lights all over. "The problem is, this year someone broke one of the light bulbs. Our lights are homemade, so if you break one light, none of them will work. There is also a risk of fire. (Not really, but the insurance man said that I have to say that about anything homemade or homegrown. Even fish!!!) Thankfully, someone found an extra bulb, so now people are coming to see the lights at Fraser Fish Farms, Inc." Interesting inflatable - I mean, that is an interesting story, Mr. Smith, CEO, VIP, VP, MD, Ph.D.!

Fraser Fish Farms During the Light Fiasco

Time, Fame, and Nothing Else

November 2024

White Creek - Bernie C. Douglas says that he can travel through time. "I can travel through time!" were his exact words. He does have a very futuristic looking couch with a bunch of wires and doo-dads all over it. No one but his goldfish Herman saw him build it, and all the goldfish told us was, " " We do have some proof, though, because he has a very old clock, an Egyptian pyramid, a very old watch, and a square pencil (they used to make square pencils in the 1800s). People have also heard some strange noises coming out of his house, but that has been credited to the fact that he owns a radio repair shop. Well, so much for the old stuff, because we just got a report from all the antique dealers around, and we found that he bought all those things. Oh, here Bernie comes now! No, that's actually Alfred Lagmire. We will just have to wait to talk to Bernie, I guess. While we wait, I guess I should tell you that a little bit of White Creek is inside Cambridge, so you may live in Cambridge and have Bernie C. as a neighbor, even though he lives in White Creek. Ahh, here he is! Let's see what he has to say: "Well, you all probably wonder what that couch is for. This is what it is for: I MADE IT SO THAT WAY PEOPLE WOULD WONDER WHAT IT WAS, AND I WOULD GET MY NAME IN THE NEWSPAPER!!!" Well, that's interesting, Mr. B, You now have your name in the paper, Are you satisfied? "Yes!" Well, that's all, folks! Guy McDickerson signing off.

Peculiar Happenings

October 2024

Alfred Lagmire reported strange happenings last night. Our top (and only) reporter, Guy McDickerson, got the Scoop: "It was about eight o'clock when it happened," said Alfred. "l had just started to watch the news, like I always do, when I heard 'Bloom-Blam.' I looked out the window and saw our neighbor, Frank Herman. He was just talking to his watch. Normal, since he has one of them smarty watches. Then I looked out the other window. I saw Oswald Henry, my other neighbor,-" "Eating!?" Guy quickly asked. "No, he was typing on his computer, and he had just played an explosion sound effect (he works for a sound company)," Lagmire continued. "Then Oswald recited a poem by O'Henry. I heard a knock at my door; I opened it, and in came a cow. Frank then came over, and said 'What's the BIG IDEA!!!' I told him that I had no clue. Next, here came a crazy guy in a red sled pulled by reindeer. He said, ' H o- Ho- Ha- Ha-sneeze.' He then proceeded to climb on my barn and clean the leaves off the roof. I was upset about that, since I had claimed all of those leaves for a MASSIVE pile! I immediately called the police, who tried to shoo the guy off my roof. He finally left, taking the barn and the leaves with him (don't worry, he gave them back this morning). The police asked if I wanted to press charges against the cow for breaking-and-entering. I said no, since, of course, he did knock. Then they left. I fell asleep, then woke up and came here after that guy gave the barn (and the leaves) back, so here I am." "Amazing story, Mr. Lagmire!" said Guy, "We'll put it on the front (and only) page!"